Monday, February 1, 2010

Black Women vs Other

In the words of the beloved MJ (may he rest in peace), “It doesn’t matter if your black or white” or does it? In today’s era so many Black women are angry that Black men are no longer dating them but straying towards other races and not just White women anymore. Their frustrated that they have their life together: a career they love, money in the bank, a banging body, and the Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman” syndrome. Yes, I said syndrome. So many women are focusing on being the best Independent Woman they can be that they don’t realize their to blame for their cold bed at night and watching that ideal man she wanted clutched tightly on the arm of another woman, but to make matters worse he’s with some beautiful “mark other” woman. So even though her mouth is singing “He should’ve put a ring on it” her heart is singing Alicia Keys’ “Unthinkable”.
 So who’s to blame for Black men leaving behind beautiful Black women: the Black men, the Black women or the color blind media? Maybe a little mixture of it all. However, in my opinion Black women have done a little more pushing than pulling. In our ancestor’s time, Black women were the backbone of the family. The glue that held it all together but somewhere down the years that glue slowly started disappearing and was replaced by a one sided piece of adhesive tape. Women today don’t have that old school mentality of holding it all together for their man no matter what. That old school glue held firm through all the ups and downs and difficulties, supporting their man through the rough times. She carried the family while he was out looking for work, or was laid off or fired or just finishing school and getting out on his own, or the man with the dream to own his own business and be his own BOS-yeah the startup years are rough and there’s little to no money coming in and they don’t know how their going to pay the next bill coming through their door but she always made a way.
That was then. Today, we have our one-sided sticky tape women, as soon as there’s an inkling of a rough time their edges slowly begin to peel up and before even trying their adhesive gives away and their gone. Leaving the Black man, lonely and with no support until he finds it in the arms of a new woman but the catch: she’s not Black. She’s a beautiful Latina or White woman or Asian woman or Puerto Rican etc, etc. Now she’s angry and the obscenities are rolling off her tongue at every Black man and interracial couple she comes across. What she didn’t realize was that she may have been to blame. She should’ve been cussing herself out.
Consequently, I’m not talking about all Black women there’s still a large number of Black women who do have that old school mentality and soul that are holding things down for Black men. Regardless if their in a relationship or not, support is everything whether it’s just in a friendship.
So what do we do about this epidemic of losing our Black men? Well, Ladies the next time you start to question or make comments about the next interracial couple, ask yourself this question: Are Black women pushing Black men into the arms of “other race” women? Or more personally: Am I pushing Black men to look for love outside of Black women?
Let’s stop being so judgmental to Black men but rather more supportive and not flee at the first sight of trouble or shaky ground. Like my girl Angie Stone, to all my Black brotha’s just know Delesa J got love for ya!

*Disclaimer: Yes, I know ladies some men just wont do right. I’m Not talking about them. Nor am I against interracial dating, I’m just tired of hearing Black women talk badly about it without pointing the finger at themselves first. That is all I will say about that for now.

I usually only leave you with one quote but I couldn't decide on which one so dwell on these two: 

"Unconditional love not only means I am with you, but also I am for  you, all the way, right or wrong"-Duke Ellington

"Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all"-Toni Morrison

*The Brothers pic is courtesy of:

-Delesa J

1 comment:

  1. I think theres absolutely nothing wrong with interracial relations...but i do agree with the fact that sometimes its YOUR fault that he's not lookin for love in a black sista anymore, sistas aint embracing they men lyk they used to, and i blame it all on THE SYNDROME(I LOVE HOW U PUT IT LIKE THAT) miss independent this and independent that, aint nothing but a set up for failure in my eyes, cuz as soon as things start 2 get bad, tha fuck that n***a, he aint s**t, i can do bad on my own, syndrome starts to rise...from my experiences and what i have saw and heard the main reason they go elsewere is because..well ok black women are strong, history shows this, even some white women will admit to that statement, but they kind of let that statement get a little to them, they feel(and this doesnt apply to everyone just the few things i have seen and heard) that since they have his strength within them they dont allow the black man to be or try to be that dominant figure in the household, so his man hood feels belittled, and he goes elsewere to try and act it out and im ganna say that HISTORY plays a part in all of this to, but this is just a briefing of my opinion, great topic tho jasmine.