Wednesday, December 16, 2009

We Can't Be Friends...Or Can We?

If We can’t be Lovers than We can’t be Friends.What is a lover supposed to do, go with their heart or with their mind after they hear those dreadful words that everyone hates to hear: we need a break or this isn’t working out were finally said. So after all the blood rushes to your head and the last exhale escapes from your mouth, what is one to do? That person you’ve given a piece of your heart just returned it back to you and your left wondering if he is now your enemy or friend? L-O-V-E, the best friend of some and the worst back stabbing enemy for others.
So the RYL question is: can two exes from a committed relationship remain friends after a breakup? Now before you think of your ex or past relationships and a large REDRUM scrolls across your mind take the following thought into account:

- Isn’t it better to have a friendship than nothing at all? Say you and that person were friends before the relationship and the relationship didn’t end negatively, would you rather cut that person out of your life permanently or do you go back to being friends and at least have that person in your life on that type of level.

Or do you feel like Deborah Cox and RL in the song “We Cant Be Friends”, you can’t be friends because you still have love for that person which will make a friendship too difficult to be in. For instance, you greet each other with a handshake instead of a hug, you converse with them and your close enough to steal a kiss, or you give a quick formal hug and you smell a hint of their cologne or perfume and your knees grow weak, or family members and friends ask how your significant other is doing.

Are being friends just too difficult? Please share your personal feelings or past experiences about this issue and be as frank or blatant as you like and let’s see what the consensus are.

**Disclaimer: Watch video to get full emotions

“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
—Alfred Lord Tennyson

*Just Write*

-Delesa J


  1. You can only be friends if both parties are mature enough to handle being just friends. It may be too emotional to do so at first, but eventually it should be okay as long it was ended on good terms. Bad terms create unnecessary conflict where no friendship can build from that point.

  2. I have a relationship with an ex and it works perfectly. we even talk about existing relationships we are involved with. For me, I understand the bigger picture. I want him to reach his personal best and find happiness, surely if that happiness is not found with a romantic relationship between the two of us, then I can handle that. We still have coffee, he has me as a guest for events he host, and I am pleased. He is still reaching his personal best because of what I bring to his life. I think this is only possible because we didnt end on a bad note.
    miss charity

  3. @Da'Vida Sonnier I Agree that both parties need to mature and ready to transition from a relationship to friendship. Only then can you both be an asset to each other lives through the blossom of a new friendship. Thanks for reading and commenting :).

  4. @Miss Charity I can definitely relate to your reply on some levels. Although I have not experienced speaking to my ex about current or new relationships, I can say that the friendship is awesome. I commend both you and your ex on taking that step to friendship and breaking the barriers that so many people are afraid of trying. I too believe that the only way for the friendship to work is if the relationship didn't end on a bad note. Thank you for reading and sharing your personal experiences. :)

  5. In RL & Deborah's case... NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! lol... but like I'm sure like most people might be saying it all depends on the situation and how deep the love is, I think as long as the "L" word plays a part no matter what its gonna be hard as hell to just be friends.

  6. Ok so this is definitely something that I can speak on. Can I be friends with an ex? The answer is yes...however, the friendship cannot exist from the time of the original break up. I think when anyone first ends a relationship with another person, there are still a lot of feelings for that person and depending on the depth of the relationship...there is the love factor. How am I going to be friends with you if I am still in love with you? Now, once you and the other person can move on from the relationship and the break up, I believe that friendship can exist but it will not be the same friendship that you have with others. Mutual respect for the other person is the type of friendship that I have with my exes...and that's about it.

  7. Great Blog Question! Man this is crazy because I have been in this situation-twice. The actions that I did in the 1st breakup taught me how to deal with the 2nd. With the 1st ex, although we broke up-I still wanted any little piece of him..and began to find myself doing whatever I could to be around him-even engaging in "couple" activity after we were already broken up. This caused me major backlash. I was thinking I was being his friend by allowing him to have pretty much the same privelages as he had when we were in a relationship but without the title. So after major growth from this experience, when I broke up with the 2nd ex, I learned to be his friend- but from a far. There are the occasional phone conversations. The occasional concern texts. Birthday cards and things of that sort. I would even go so far as to say that after a year's worth of break up time, we could now even dine together. However, there is still alot of love there, so knowing that, I would even be cautious of how often I would do that. Bottom line, if you are gonna be a friend, do platonic friend stuff and if the love is still there-keep those activities limited. If you can't adhere to those limits because of the depth of the love, then maybe you should either pursue other avenues to resolve the conflict in the relationship so that you can get back together or cut all ties. In some cases, it needs to be all or nothing.

  8. Wow I love everyone's honesty and use of personal experiences. I think there is some great advice to be sought out from the readers above. Mutual respect plays a large role in whether the friendship will work or not and just as it was stated above it should be either all or nothing. I know easier said then done, but for the sake of each person's heart and sanity, make your decision wisely. Thank you Erin, Bobbito and Kayshug for reading and commenting :).

  9. If i may, i'll say ultimately its all about maturity. LOVE is a VERY POWERFUL emotion. If the love is authentic in all aspects, i believe YES, they can remain friends. U can love sumone, simply by wanting the best for them , even if its not u! Plus authentic LOVE is hard to come by, so indulge in it all u can!